Think the most infuriating thing a guy can say to you is, "Yeah, it does make your butt look big"? Wrong.
The one phrase that can turn any relationship into a nuclear winter is: "I need to drop 5 pounds—I'll cut out the beer."
And here is the ugly truth: One beerless Patriots game and your guy is back in his high school gym shorts. You could forgo beer forever and be about as close to getting into your high school gym shorts as you are to fitting into one of Barbie's dream gowns. It's not fair.
Face it, guys are just losers. Well, better losers than we are. Even though we'd knock 'em dead in the Jeopardy! weight loss category—we know everything there is to know about calories and fitness—they have the physiological edge. When Paul Tasner decides to drop a few pounds, says his wife, Barbara Walter, an ambulatory surgery nurse and a wellness coach in the San Francisco area, it seems to happen overnight: "It looks like he had a belly suit on, and then a day later, he takes it off and there's a slim guy underneath. It really pisses me off."
Men's bigger muscle mass—in fact, their bigger-ness overall—helps them burn 30% more calories than we do, says nutritionist Cynthia Sass, RD, coauthor of Your Diet Is Driving Me Crazy. They have other advantages, too: For one, their hormones don't leave them waterlogged—and heavier—1 week a month. We generally have more body fat and are biologically more inclined to store it (possibly to nourish those dozen babies nature wants us to have).
The bad habits guys overcome (beer and chips) seem to result in instant weight loss, while ours (mistaking a box of Ring Dings for a therapist) seem too emotionally hardwired to short-circuit. Finally, in the gym, they grab the big, macho barbells and do routines that make them grunt. Our weights tend to be pink...and puny.
But all is not, ahem, lost. We women may never have the biological or psychological weight loss advantages men enjoy, but we are clever enough to learn new tricks. In other words, if there's no way to beat them at the dieting game, we might as well join them. Here are five guy habits that can help you lose weight—and keep it off. Happily, none of them involves testosterone.
He doesn't crave sweets
Both men and women have cravings, and no, he doesn't have an easier time fighting them off. But your comfort food is likely to be chocolate, pudding, or a cheese Danish, while his is a thick, juicy steak. A recent Cornell University study found that women seek out sweets to ward off the blues; men turn to meat when they want to indulge. The advantage of his choice: It's protein, which will help fill him up far better than your coffee cake. A study published last year by researchers at the University of Washington School of Medicine found that the secret weight loss weapon of low-carb diets is protein, because it promotes satiety, the scientific term for fullness, which curbs overeating.
If cravings are your downfall, you have a choice of tactics here:
Eat a little protein
When a craving hits, have low-fat string cheese, a low-fat turkey and cheese roll-up, or fat-free cottage cheese mixed with some cut-up fruit instead of a sweet.
Have protein-packed chocolate
Take a tip from Prevention weight loss advisor Holly Wyatt, MD, an assistant professor of medicine at the University of Colorado Health Sciences Center: "When I'm craving chocolate, I have a chocolate-coated energy bar or another similar protein bar for 210 calories. I've gotten to the point where that tastes like candy to me." But not so good that she starts in on a second.
He doesn't berate himself when he screws up
Okay, you blew it. You had PMS, or your accountant called with news of a surprise audit, and the jelly doughnut hollered, "Eat me!" What do you do next? If you're a woman, you throw up your hands, tell yourself what a bad person you are, and reach for another doughnut. Then you wallow in self-loathing for days. And what does a guy do?
"He feels okay, maybe even good, and really enjoys that steak," laughs emotional-eating expert Edward Abramson, PhD, a professor emeritus of psychology at California State University and author of Body Intelligence. But he doesn't order another one—he climbs back on the weight loss wagon, no harm, no foul. The best way to beat that diet-busting trap:
Apply his 80% rule
"Most guys avoid anything that even smacks of perfectionism," and that applies to dieting, too, says Pamela Peeke, MD, an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine and author of Body for Life for Women.
"When women start a diet, they go from zero to 100—they become 'perfect' overnight, which is a hallmark of failure. That's why I developed the 80% rule: Hit your weight loss goals 80% every single day you can. One day, it'll be 120% because it happens to be a great day. Other days, you'll hit 50% or even 20% when you're dealing with PMS. Just make sure it averages out to 80%."
He goes for weights with muscle
Women are catching on to strength-training, but some experts think women ought to approach weights more like a man. "When a guy goes to the gym, he'll usually pick an exercise that allows him to use the most impressive-looking weights," says Lou Schuler, a certified strength and conditioning specialist and author of The New Rules of Lifting.
The result: muscle building in less time, working a range of muscles at once instead of one in isolation. "A woman, on the other hand, will go for light dumbbells and do an exercise that allows her to use perfect form—but will do the least amount of good." To wit: "the 12 triceps exercises women do" to rid themselves of underarm dingle-dangle, says Schuler.
"All those little exercises are like Chinese water torture for your muscles: a little drip here, a little drip there. You think if you do them enough then these nice, streamlined muscles will show up, but no, they won't." So, stop wasting your time, and do what the Y chromosome folks do:
Drop the "Barbie" weights
If you're doing two sets of 12 or 15 reps, your weights are probably too light, says Schuler. Graduate to the black weights—the ones made of real iron—and move toward higher poundage that makes you strain to do 8 to 10, says Schuler. "Once your body is used to 10, then increase the weight until you're only able to do 3 reps. At sports medicine conferences, I've seen scans of women's upper arms before and after this kind of training program, and the girth of their upper arms hasn't changed, but you can see the fat tissue is reduced and how much more muscle there is."
Work out in life's gym
Daily tasks offer opportunities to strength-train. "As you boogie through your day," advises Peeke, "say, 'No, I can lift those grocery bags. I don't need a man to help me.'"
He doesn't use food as a therapist
Women are twice as likely as men to binge because they're depressed, reports a 2004 University of Minnesota study that examined the eating behavior of 1,800 people for a year. Women are also twice as likely as men to be depressed, which makes for a lot of eat-a-thons.
Worse, after a binge, a woman is likely to feel guilty, become even more depressed, and soothe herself with more gluttony. Confessed one woman (who requested anonymity because her boss reads this magazine): "When I'm really depressed, I've been known to wheel into McDonald's and order two shakes—one for me and one for my invisible friend in the back seat. No kidding. One vanilla, one chocolate.
Sometimes I even turn my head around and say, 'What do you want, chocolate?' like the drive-thru guy on the intercom can see me. It's sick!" Bottom line: No guy thinks he can boost his mood by mainlining frozen dairy products. You shouldn't either. Get off that circuit with these tips:
Identify what's behind your need to feed
Start making the connection between stuffing your face and stuffing your feelings. To do this, think Richter scale, says Santa Barbara, CA, psychotherapist Gloria Arenson, author of Five Simple Steps to Emotional Healing. "Rank your desire to eat on a scale of 1 to 10 as if it were an earthquake, 10 being 'Watch out!' If it's an 8, then look at what in your life was an 8 that day. Your boss yelled at you? Your dog ran away? Your kid got into trouble at school?"
By matching your numbers—the craving and an equivalent stressor—you'll soon learn how to determine whether you're hungry or medicating a bad mood. The technique works by erecting a mindfulness roadblock between you and that soothing piece of chocolate cheesecake. With practice, most people who use the rating system stop themselves before taking the first bite, says Arenson.
Take time for yourself
Guys do it, says Sass. "They'll say, 'I need to get away,' and go out and play basketball or golf with their buddies. Women don't say, 'I need to take the day off and get pampered.' For many women, their only pleasure, their only source of gratification and reward, is food." Starting today, snag a few hours for yourself, but don't use it to meet your girlfriends for lunch. Give yourself something inedible to look forward to, whether it's a Saturday morning at the outlets or a monthly girls' night out for pedicures at a spa.
Get physical with anger
"The standard prescription for a guy who's angry is to go out and pound nails, not eat chocolate," says Abramson. Guys are more likely to do something physical to dissipate their negative emotions. Women tend to swallow them—usually with an entire row of Oreo cookies. So when you get mad, get moving.
Stop making such a big deal
Guys may be less vulnerable to emotional eating because they tend not to dwell on things. Women, on the other hand, can spend hours turning one small negative thought around in their minds, adding a few others, and whipping it all into critical mass, says Yale University researcher Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD, author of the new book Eating, Drinking, Overthinking. That's called rumination, and research suggests it can lead to depression, which itself can lead us directly to where we've hidden the Milano cookies.
Again, there's biology involved: In the brain, thoughts are linked in a network of associations, so I'm a fat pig lives on the same neural pathway as I'm a lousy cook and You're not going to amount to anything (that one's from your mother). Think about one and the others light up like an old-fashioned switchboard. Don't fall into the trap of using food to snap out of it. Instead, try this suggestion from Nolen-Hoeksema: Pick a word or phrase that makes you aware of what you're doing and helps you gain control (like Knock it off! or I won't let myself get sucked into this).
He doesn't give up stuff he likes
Austrian researchers, looking at gender differences in eating and dieting, found that "men's approach toward nutrition is uncomplicated and pleasure-oriented." For women, it's more punitive. Peeke agrees: "When guys go on a diet, they don't give up their Doritos. They're like Condi Rice—they negotiate. 'The big game is coming up. I'll have a third of the Doritos I usually do, but I will have some Doritos and guacamole.'"
We, on the other hand, approach dieting like ascetics, depriving ourselves of all those luscious "forbidden foods" until we can't stand it any longer. Then we fall like starved dogs on year-old Halloween candy stuck to the back of the freezer. In fact, studies by University of Toronto obesity researcher Janet Polivy, PhD, found that restrained eaters—that's the average female dieter—are more likely to not only overeat after dieting but also to gorge themselves if they just think they're going to go on a diet. Scientists call it "the last supper effect." Here's how to push away from this table:
Diet like a guy
For the most part, guys don't diet. Or, when they do, they make the commitment to eat less, don't agonize a lot, and wham, bam, there they are, all svelte again. Peeke calls it Home Depot syndrome. "A guy looks at his need to lose weight and sees it like a blueprint for building a cabinet—he has that much emotion about it," she says.
"It's a job, he gets his supplies, and he does it. If he thinks he's a fat-ass-lard-belly, he just says, 'Well, I guess I got myself here and I gotta get myself out—let's get this show on the road.'" You can do the same, says Peeke, if you make these words your mantra: Of course I can lose weight. Will it take longer than it takes my hubby? Yes. Do I have the patience? I do—and the journey begins today.
Don't ban your favorite food
Guys don't give up pleasure without a tussle. But one of the first things women forget when they try to lose weight is that life without chocolate is not worth living. Nothing can scuttle your good intentions like feeling deprived. "I order my clients to have something they love every day—a portion of ice cream, a small cupcake," says Arenson.
In fact, Toronto-based weight loss coach Mary Crawford lost more than 50 pounds on what she calls the Enjoyable Diet—a program she developed that allowed her to eat whatever she wanted every day. The catch: She restricted herself to 800 calories every other day and didn't diet on the alternate days. It may sound a little out-there, but the concept could help eliminate that girly dilemma that jettisons many a woman's best-laid diet plans: I want it—lots of it—because I can't have it.
Go for another consuming pleasure
"So many times women are told, 'If you feel like you're going to overeat, distract yourself by cleaning the house,'" says Sass. "That's like torturing yourself." No man in his right mind is going to do chores to keep himself from overeating. A guy will find a more hedonistic distraction, like shooting hoops in the driveway, playing his guitar, or making something with a life-threatening tool. Take a cue from him and look for something enjoyable that engages your hands and mind. One of Sass's clients took a jewelry-making class that has become her antidote to overeating. "All she thinks about now is how she's going to make her next piece instead of, What can I eat now?"
Bottom line: Weight loss is as much about attitude as it is about aptitude. And adopting a male mind-set, at least in this arena, can make you a leaner, more in-control woman.
Guy exercises for girls
Good Morning
Works butt and legs
Stand with feet a few inches apart, knees bent slightly. Hold two 10- to 15-pound dumbbells against your chest. With back flat and abs tight, slowly hinge forward at hips, lowering upper body while keeping back flat. Don't go beyond parallel to the floor. Pause, then stand back up. Do three sets of 8 to 10 reps.
Dumbbell Clean and Press
Works butt, legs, arms, and shoulders
Start in a squat, feet shoulder-width apart and knees bent. Hold an 8- to 10-pound dumbbell in each hand, at sides, palms in. As you curl weights up to shoulders, straighten legs and rise up onto toes. Lower heels as you turn palms out and press weights overhead. Pause, then lower weights, return to starting position, and repeat. Do three sets of 8 to 10 reps.
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